Cynicism.

from The Great Divorce

It was that of a lean hard-bitten man with grey hair and a gruff, but not uneducated voice: the kind of man I have always instinctively felt to be reliable. (Lewis 51)

This is the kind of man I have always instinctively trusted, too; it is the character I have always wanted to be, or play, or write about--the hard-worn working man of integrity and quiet confidence and such.

The problem is that this man, having seen "so much" never really makes it to Heaven. He goes back to Hell because he can't believe that Heaven is really offering what it's offering.

I can only hope I do not become that cynical as I age.

I think Joe would like this quotation, too, for some reason. I wish I could ask him. I am equally afraid that he wouldn't care.